Ten years ago today I was at the hospital, pacing around the maternity ward with my IV attached to my arm waiting to be induced, my friends and family patiently waiting (ok they were loud and crazy and making everyone laugh so not so patiently waiting.) When I felt that first contraction I remember thinking, “This is not so bad. I can handle it. And then when they did induce me and THOSE contractions started I remember thinking, “OH BLOODY HELL!! I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT!!”
But I did make it, despite the minor complications that we did have, she was born at 6:13pm. No glasses on so I could not see anything, not sure what was going on, groggy from the pain and the painkillers, hearing everyone run about the room to make sure she was ok, I was itching to hold her. And once I did I promised to NEVER LET HER GO, that tiny little being. From that first second in my arms, had my heart forever. Being a mom is NOT easy. Knowing what to do, what to say, what NOT to say, what Not to do! There’s no book that teaches you this stuff. There’s no right advice to follow for everyone’s advice is based on their own story and everyone’s story is different. Being a mom has been the toughest job I have ever had. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I strive to learn from them and not make them again and better myself everyday so she has someone worth looking up to. And I’ve been judged on my “parenting skills” but my performance review can only be given by my boss, who is the recipient of those parenting skills, who turns 10 today. Who, when I asked her to list the 9 things she was most grateful for on the last day of her being 9, listed me at the top of her list. So I know I’m doing something right amidst all the things that I may have done wrong.
And a decade later I will continue to uphold my promise to NEVER LET HER GO, to watch out for her always, and to deal with all the “contractions” that continue to present themselves along the way, the big ones and the smalls ones, because they do pass and make me stronger for having gone through them. To learn from my mistakes and make myself better because my baby girl deserves nothing less. She has blessed my life in ways I can not describe as words don’t do the feelings any justice. I wish her a lifetime of love and light and will do my best to ensure that she has it.